Kat's Diary

Moved!

2008-02-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

Helloies everyone!!

I've officially moved to the below address:

http://scented-love.livejournal.com/

please relink me over there. thanks! (:

Reflections phase

2007-12-20T23:55:00.000-08:00

God's everlasting covenant of LOVE stretches across time, space and mankind (:

It's been so long since I last updated. Once again, there was too much happening to blog abt it. Haha (: But it's been a long learning journey and still on it. I am glad tat 07 is drawing to a close. As I pace back n forth in this reflective phase...so much comes to mind..just so overwhelming. It really amazes me how I've walked thru this yr--emotional rides; heartbreaks, healings, failures, acheivements, the joys and pains; a Higher Love that made all these possible (:

So much to say, too much to write; so I shall keep it in my heart for now (: All i can say is: Thank You Lord, Thank You (: It's been a long journey for me. Crashing waves and huge giants; but it's all in none but the palm of His hand (:

Thank God for the people He placed in my life:
1. My Family
2. My Christian Fellowship dearies
3. My Church Cell darlings
4. My ECH kiddos-- "whities"
5. My HMSS buddies
6. My STC khakis
7. My PJC frenies

Thank God for allowing our paths to cross. In one way or another, you all had played a reli imp role in my life. Without u all, what's left of me? (: I sincerely pray that all of u will close 07 well and begin 08 afresh (: May this Christmas not just be presents and gifts galore, but a time of giving and sharing Love; the true message of CHRISTmas (: love u all <3>

Transitions in all facades of life
All steered for none but One Divine drive
Nothing compares to You my Lord
I surrender my heart again to You.

Come Autumn; leaves fall from thy grace
but fret not; winter grapes are on its way.
Separations; linger no more...
take what's due and leave the hall.

One or two; or even a three?
help me seek only what You see.
However pleasing the he(s) may be,
I still choose to surrender thee.

*sings* "Christmas isnt christmas without toffee nut latte"...haha! peg and I love this version.. but oh wells..of cos it aint just so. It's the warmness of Big Daddy's love that sums it up (:

Haha...i'll post again later bout the recent events. Got to go le...byeeeeee ((:

desperate for love...

2007-11-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

I need a physical hug; a loving healing hugg.

Somebody kind enough to give me? Pleasseee....

I need to believe" when i am weak, You're strong..."

what a safe car; wad a bumpy ride...

2007-11-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

Interesting life? I sure think so...

"How long is the road?
How long is the ride?
Ooo...go easy on me..."

What a weekend...From the sorrows to the joys; from the depressed to e refreshed; from the depths where You found me and to the depths which I found You Lord (: It has been such a long and bumpy ride; and guess what? I'm still on it.... >.<

Saturday:
FCBC Prayer Tent day; 1-6pm (:
-
Refreshing indeed; timely. I was one of the 8 who signed up for this session. We were given individual tents to wait upon the Lord in solitude. It was a really theraputic session thou; away from this fallen world. I rested, I read, I sung, I prayed; all was for none but one; Jesus Christ(:
I renewed my priorities once again; thinking through life at present...it was like a live playback of everything that had happened recently. However painful or joyful; I know it's all for a divine purpose. However hard it is to accept or to believe; I want to press on and hang in till the end. I want, I must and I will! (:
-
Distractions of my destiny; flee...
-
Somehow my recent entries seems to be more comprehensible huh? lol. Wells, i guess thou blogs are just an outlet for me to express myself; but sometimes, i need e readers' comprehension as well...For once; I'm not as "chim" as u all pointed out to be..i can cry out n express myself simply too.. No matter what; it's just my style of writing....
-
Had a really refreshing talk with Mel at my fav vivo again...I've been going there a little too much...opps. Managed to clear up quite abit of stuff. Let's not based our friendship on assumptions, guesses and all... Want test water also not like that test de ma....done wrongly tn end up poisoning it ehh...tsktsk. But thanks dear really. Sometimes, all i need is that touch; a pat, a smile or a hug (: thanks

Sunday:
It just had to happen, just as I thought life was becoming a little better. Lord, u really teaching me to still focus on You, despite of any circumstance rite? What a challenge. I pray really for Your grace Lord...it hasnt been easy, in fact i admit Lord...it's the exact opposite.
-
Met up with one of my really close friend....and that changed it all or rather brought us to another new level of friendship. Mmm...but i dun regret it friend, i don't /.
-
It's been hard on u, it's been hard for you.
It's been hard seeing you taking all these so hard...
It's been painful seeing you drift in n out of these drastic life patterns
It's been heart-breaking to see you live life this way...

I am standing right here for u my dear...
don't you ever push me away, dun u attempt to look away...
Selfish request as this may be...but all i want is you to be happy...
for my heart beats for you, and my lips prays for you.
Let this not break us, but mould us and take us to a whole new level..
a new beginning, a fresh start, a trusting relationship it shall be.
No more lies, no more social talks, no more masking it all up..
lay it down, open and accepting; to the grace n love that embrace us all(:

I pray so hard that we may not be the same anymore but we'll be better than before... <3

In view of all the recent happening, i admit i'm taking it too hard already. I can't focus in class, I can't seem to be myself in front of people; my social self perhaps but not me. I know u tried to be more sensitive, but dun feel apologetic that u cldn't sense ath...i dun blame u...i can't expect everyone to be sensitive all e time rite? Though my call for help was ignored or rather have gone unnoticed but I will snap out of this whole __myself. Thanks ppl; especially my readers my friends who noticed how clear I've tried to express myself here. Love u ppl <3

Nights world; library's closing, i gtg. God bless (:

We Are the Reason

2007-11-07T04:24:00.001-08:00

Truly I believe (:

We Are the Reason-lyrics

2007-11-07T04:18:00.001-08:00

We were the Reason-- David Meece

As little children, We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys, We knew we'd find
But we never realized, A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.

We were the reason, That He gave His life
We were the reason, That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live.

As the years went by, We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves, And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day, A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love.

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live (:

It's this time of the year again....

2007-11-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

T.I.M.E. - a variable/.

Sometimes time just seems to fly by, but other times it crept along like that of a snail; or maybe even slower...why? It's a matter of perception huh? Emotions and attitudes towards a particular happening does influence how fast or how slow time passes....

Much has happened; but much has also gone unsaid. "So much emotions; but not a word" huh? I guess this explains my case too... I did not deliberately choose to keep silent; it is really a matter of who actually listens with their heart? Maybe I blinded myself with my own smiles; but does it matter when I show? it has apparently proven not/. I know I shouldnt expect so much n indulge myself in all that self-pity, but at the moment; I just need to grouse...so do me a favour, thanks.

So what if you don't support what I'm doing with my life? I see the purpose in every single thing that I do; even if it's beyond your comprehension. You think I don't want to live life the way you wan me to? but I've tasted e goodness of e Lord; how can I forgo it?Call me selfish; one thing I can't forgo is my God! I am sorry for causing you all that trouble, i wish I knew how to be what u wan me to be; but not compromising my principles n beliefs no matter what. I will prove it to u in love that I want the best for u; even if I don't appear to be...it's just hard u know..to please u. Why can't you both see the other side of e coin? Life is a matter of perception; if you choose to think it sux, it will so don't. I know death is not too sensitive a thing to some people; nor is it for me.. but try getting brainwashed by its coming as a daily dosage n u'll get what i mean. Why not use the time talking about death to talk about what you two can do abt your life at present? It's not I don't accept it, but overdosage can be fatal; I'm reaching my optimal stress levels already.. I know I have 2 take up e "breadwinner" role ultimately; but one step at a time ok? I'm reli trying at the very least with my studies... don't tired me out. I need some love when I'm home.. I need that to go on... I am sorry for demanding for this love that I perhaps not deserve for I've shown so little of it myself... I am sorry for my unreasonable rants; I am sorry; forgive me but for one last plea I'm giving; I need to receive some love, some care, some affection. Don't give up on me please...
My family; My loves....

S.T.R.E.S.S.--in all facets of life.

God, i need your air to breathe...please...

The world doesn't revolve around me nor you.In this fallen world, self-centeredness's inevitable. We can't expect the world to stop spinning just bcos of you or I rite? But then again, there is still a God and kind little angels that He sends to make me feel like I'm not alone. At least an act of kindness or an expression of love; is enough to make time stop n let me dwell in its goodness (:

-Separation Anxiety-

I lost count of the number of days, I lost track of time. In fact, i should isnt it? Was it days/even weeks that we just couldn't be e same anymore? Knowing n doing; and even believing is all a separate entity... I am not as strong as I thought I would be; I am more selfish than I thought myself to be...but I am trying. I once said that transparency is very important; but forgive me for sometimes, my heart don't bear to do it. I can't feel ur tiredness but I can surely sense it. I can't relieve ur longing for home, but I can make you at ease. Isn't sacrificial love part of one's humanistic instincts? I happen to be an extremist that's all; it's mine to learn huh? mmm... Someone told me that perhaps, you have emotional needs that needs to be met. But cos of the distict line we've agreed to drawn, it's easier to pull back altogether? I know it's emotionally-demanding on u all these while...辛苦你了... i appreciate it; u're trying to make things easier for me as well; thanks (: honestly...missing you...<3

The haunting past n its memories,
you have no place in God's sanctuary.
Flakes of love and tears of pain,
teach me now, for when I lose; I gain.
Break, Mould, Knead, Craft,
the Potter's hand, i place my Trust(:
--
someday i'll know...

The new term has started once again. It is THE sem; make it or break it. With all my priorities in school; it's high time I learn how to manage my time and focus my life. Studies, CF and HMSS is enough to squeeze every ounce of energy n time out of me. If not for my God who sustains me ar...honestly, I would have appeared on the papers by now. Oh wells, how can I survive without food?--spiritual food. Like duhh...famished n weak aint gonna help me at all...

On a lighter note....

I thank God for the Friday Prayer Meetings that simple refresh me at the end of e week (: I thank God for His CF who has grown big and deep; still journeying; still transforming.

I thank God specially for HMSS; which has altogether given me a much deeper and special purpose in my service to them. Not the society; not the events; it's the PEOPLE- my loves<3>Special thanks to Jeremy, Peggy, Melanie, Mingxiu, Jonathan, Manhong and Zoe (: You all gave me the reason to carry on... esp Jeremy and Mingxiu; the people whom God has placed in my heart to pray and care for (:

The end of every year has always been a tough period for me. Reflections n all that reminiscing just made me an "emo-freak"; an unpredictabe one.. Muahah... >.<>

BUT i will SURVIVE! I know i'll come out of all these stronger than before; keep me in prayer(:

Take care friends; God bless (",)

journey with me....

2007-07-28T03:50:00.000-07:00

H.E.L.L.O

I know this blog has been pretty lifeless indeed...all i can say is...i prefer not to open up my life to the public. If you are truly my friend...i'm just 8 numbers away really, no need to rely on such to know wad's happening to me...so yup. thanks (:

My last entry was in june.....so much has happened...so much has changed....some come and go, i dun even know where to start..so sometimes, i rather not...really. *shruggs* Oh wells...

I'm still in my semester break...my holidays dun mean lesser activities; in fact more...just that i get to sleep in that's all. Seeing so much of school...feels like i'm already back in it. HMSS and CF ;that's about all that my holidays revolve around..

So much has happened; i need a breather. (thank God that by His air, i breathe)

Camps, Chalets, Dinners, Meetings - all with an A-genda. What happen to words like: shopping, chilling, chatting, lazing, strolling..?

note: "There's a very thin line between fellowship and socializing" Being not Doing/.

CF Camp has been a great learning journey; from the beginning till now...so Much to learn, so Much to grasp, so Much to change, so Much to surrender; our God is as such; there's just so Much that He can give, there's just so Much to His love; forevermore. <3

i'm not alone...see it and believe it for i'm not meant to be (:

Chalets has been interesting too; of course; i had two concurrently- CF n HMSS. I stayed mainly with the latter thou. I thank the people who organise it; creating opportunities for everyone to bond. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed, thank you (: Sometimes, Intentions may get misunderstood, actions may be misinterpreted, but one thing that remains is the Heart- the truth n love within it, is what matters really.

h.e. came/. unexpected. My mind may seem disoriented, my heart may seem flustered but my deeds expressed my standing; clearly, truly. Our paths will not cross, our lines remain parallel. Your re-appearance was not a coincidence, i know, i know it's time i check my heart once again.
One look - nothing. One touch - nothing. One conversation - still nothing; it's over/. Pride may mask me, bitterness may harass me ; a passing emotion, a selfish evil desire that you should be worse off...No more shall it haunt me,no more shall it devour me for God's Love have overcomed it all. Tks for e 2 gentleman that stayed by me, thanks dear fuji for ur kind words n affirmations, and thank God for residing in me (: it's finally over.

meetings, meetings and more meetings (whee...i'm so "loving" it) But honestly...the company measured up, it's much more bearable and in fact an enjoyment (: i finally sense some school spirit in a polytechnic. I love my humane society..=p Sometimes, I just wished i need not be holding different roles from my original position..thou at times, I may feel i'm not cut out to be in publicity. It really aint nice when all that kinda feelings set in but I know i'm being loved in dere, right? I really thank God for jerem n peg, i really wished that it's us 3 and not u 2 really.. but i guess i just have to be flexible. I reli enjoyed my time on the 1st...learning and dancing hsm to our hearts' content, walking around chinatown with these 2 khakis or rather aunties ( thou jerm is a guy=p) Had lip-smacking "zicha" at e hawker dere and mango tauhuey for dessert. Shiok!!.. immersing ourselves in oldies and "hokkien classics". It is a culture shared ; with joy and enthu fun...i wished we would have more of that! (: Jeremy, u're in my prayers. Take heart n press on!

i'm suddenly into chinese n hokkien oldies once again =p Laugh for all u want, as long as Jeremy dun lose that kick...i'm not alone on that. Hah! I was listening to this father-daughter duet and it jotted my memory all e way back....back when i was only 4yrs old... All the good old days, all the happy times but oh all that reminiscing aint doing me much good either. That song that we sang together daddy (if u rmb)...cos i still do. Why should it be any different now? I just need to learn how to be your little girl once again... i'm sorry.

i received a message from meiling...i'm exactly halfway thru my "challenge" Thank you God for staying so faithful all these while...i'm not even counting how long more i have...for it's my joy to consecrate my heart for you alone (:

checked in, booked out/. a new chapter, a different phrase.

There's so much to adapt to, there's so much to learn. But wells...my God is good, He'll know exactly what i need to get by. Transitions; in the here and now... Sometimes, it really aint that easy...it takes time, energy and every bit of faith n conviction that i've got to hold on. However, I know it is necessary and it has to be now. A bigger pictuer; a clearer view. A deeper promise; a stronger struggle to believe and persist. He sees, He hears, He knows...All (:

Days, hours, minutes, seconds;sometimes i tend to count,sometimes i tend to fumble, sometimes i tend to sulk, sometimes i tend to ponder but never once had i doubt that everything is in Your time Lord, i will wait patiently. A different level you're teaching me, a greater committment u're asking of me. I will try Lord, I promise but please help me!

Hello. goodbye. that's all it takes,
pool of hope; in thee i wade.
Space you need i gladly give
air He gave i fought to breathe

Music n lyrics resound in space,
thoughts and emotions fill the air.
Words you said i'll surely remember,
in hope to mark it with a "forever".

Stamped a red date at the end,
Prayed for God to take my hand.
Another week of whom I seek,
only You know what I need.
Take my heart and let it lay,
upon Your altar let it stay.

I shall leave this unfinished...am really tired at 1:54a.m. le..Goodnight (:

closure and a new challenge

2007-06-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

a special brother wrote me this:

Into this heart, I will go,
a last poem, before I go,
that my heart, you don’t know,
and wandering, there you go.

Knowing the certain fate,
reading all that thinking so late,
asking God, whats love and hate
is it now, or when's the date.

Letting go why so hard,
that made this a broken heart,
one or two, it matters not,
neither it is that should be fought.

On God alone, you will learn,
to squeeze the water out from stone,
moulding you, and crafting you,
into the woman, the Woman of God.

Facades and pretense,
the face all so tense,
the heart all so messed,
written simply all, not less..

Dont hide, dont try,
you can run, but never hide,
He knows it all, He knows it well,
and to heal, He opens them all.

Dont lock, i say,
dont seal them there,
upon His altar, let them lay,
memories and past, them they say,
unavoidable, haunting, arent they?

p.s (his) copyright reserved~ thus i shall leave it incomplete >.<
_________________________________________
Hmmm...mmm.. just me thinkin:

many a times Man will say:
don't bother, just brush it all away..
totality of mind n heart forbids
this, my lady don't you dare sleep..

incomplete as this may be,
I choose to trust what my eyes can't see,
Love ain't blind, cos my Faith guides me
broken seemingly. Contrite, i need to be.
Who is perfect? o none but He.
_____________________________

it has been such a long journey. Having gone thru the tougher seasons in this phase of my life, i pause to think in which I'm facing now? Sometimes, life is so segmented that i can't decide on which my life speaks most of...uhhuh..But then again, everything is supposedly interlinked, i can't just detach from one n speak of another... Hmm...it has been and will be a rocky ride ahead but i know i'm not to fret, for i've got Christ as captain (: *aye captain!*

Deeds done out of selfish love leads no where my friend/.

It's strange how one can confuse indifference with being optimistic. Optimism is realising the negativity of the circumstance, yet CHOOSES to look upon it with a positive attitude. Indifference, however points to escapism. Shutting hearts and distracting the mind ain't the anecdote. They just work like sleeping pills, brings you high up to the skies, then throw you flat down when time is up. You won't even live to know you died. It's even scarier to not know that the soul is feeding on those...it's enticing and addictive..but someone slapped me real hard, oh yes i nearly ended there. Wells, some people learn things the hard way huh? *shruggs* but thank God (:

Transparent or crystal-clear? Let the veil between you and i stay, that keeps us blameless and pure. Its transparency? I leave it to the He above. When e heart is focused, so goes with the mind. When the heart ain't, so gone is the mind. Yesyes, mind over heart some may say, but when Christ fills the heart, they can't say the same. You said open or close i should choose not, "Christ-system" embrace and fret not. Agreed (: Never did i deny the heart flutters, what-ifs and unsafe thoughts; but when Christ is in the picture, he reigns even over that. The future, the "perhaps", i commit unto Him. His perfect timing and beautiful plan, i shall choose not to intervene (: Sorry if my rebellion and intrusion had been an inconvenience, but we all learn don't we? I simply love God more. HAHA (((:

Thank God for the Christ in u and i. If not for that,love will fail cos we lack THE Love. Thank you for accomodating me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for cherishing me. Thank u for embracing an incomplete me. Thank you for standing up for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for being you. I love you with e love of Christ (: -always and forever- <33

my heart accepts the challenge, for it desires the giver.

It's been 2.5 months. Thou i see your shadows almost everywhere but they no longer tempt me, tear me nor haunt me. Partial obedience is not complete so i repent. I've done the extreme, cutting off communications lines, fillling my heart with your messages one last time but deleting them right after. Let e past pass, memories stay as memories, let us not dwell on it no more. I'm glad our paths hab crossed but the chapter closes now. My heart is more or less at peace, cos i allowed God in, have you? My heart is open for healing. Christ is a great doctor. He gave me free will and grace to reject, experiment, digress before turning back again (:

The light do not mix with the dark, I eliminate darkness to grow in the light.

1st july- 31st Dec i await/. *heart flutters for God* *excitement*

Somehow i just have to leave this post the way it is. Reality just set in. I got piles of work at hand but I just have to get my fingers dancing first and my mind cleared. Haha. anyways "tuesdays with morrie" is a fantastic show, teaches me lessons in life, will share a bit more next time. Wheee...

jiayous to me (: *inhales deeply* I need all the smiles, hugs and love i can get. So don't get selfish with me. Haha, but all the more, i cherish the giver of it all.
C.H.R.I.S.T alone (",)

lonely ever more...):

2007-06-12T02:06:00.000-07:00

一个人生活 ( i still have jesus...)

叶子在窗外静静摇动,
人行道没有行人走过,
镜子里的我很不像我,
自从你离开了, 我变得很软弱.

你的影子在每一个角落,
好像是在提醒着我,
少了你的陪伴, 我现在有多寂寞.

我想我可以习惯一个人生活,
我想我可以假装不曾爱过,
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温柔我.
(感觉如果要走, 谁能说no.)

我想我可以习惯一个人生活,
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺,
爱你怎么会是这个结果.
(爱情是个梦, 而我睡过头)

d. Heart emotes till it's pleased,
d. Mind struggles to stay in sync,
d. Flesh abstains from it's deadly foe,
d. Soul elevates, longing for Home.
_______________________________

It’s a long long journey
Till I know where I’m supposed to be
It’s a long long journey
And I don’t know if I can believe

When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I’ve spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what’s my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter, I know I will cry
I know You’ll be standing by my side.
It’s a long long journey
And I need to be close to You

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don’t even know whyI do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can’t see my soul
Will You break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it’s a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you to you
__________________________________

2 soulmates make up 99% of my human heart,
did i tell you i fail maths? Tell me.. subtracting it away; I'm left with __?
Unless by His grace, His love, His strength,
how could i possibly survive? just let me die...

It was cruel enough to have me give up my love,
and it's not even going through one more time...
but it's going throught BOTH at the same time ):
Different kinds of love they may be, but it's still that one word
L.O.V.E...

Can anyone measure the depth of my pain, the extent of my broken heart?
yes Lord, broken till it's contrite...yes yes I know..teach me Lord teach me.
but Lord, it's so hard, till it's enough to kill me and maybe just have it shut for good?
Why is it whenever I believe that there's still hope for me to have love, I'll lose it?
You made me a girl, you know how it goes, you know my weaknesses, you know my flaws...
so Lord, can I just live on Your Love alone? can't I have both? but You first.

My smiles are losing its natural flair, through that frame, others tell it all...
My happiness is fading off. Was it my pretense or simply all ur insensitivty?no one cld tell at all.. Was i expecting too much? was i hoping too much? I'm losing all the you's i can possibly name,
All that love that i shared, all the faith that i once had, was it just empty talk or heresay?
Not a battle of the sexes, for I'm losing grip on not one but both.

No-no, I still LOOK happy and there's about all/.
i dun wanna fall back into the old me Lord
all that superficiality..( who says I can't act? there...>.<) BUT
I am Your new born Lord. Help me I plead

to that special you: I have to remove you completely, as complete as my heart could go and as far as my mind could suggest. A month of memories is enough for me to lock u up, safetly in my heart. For now? Till then? uhhuh...time and my heart is in God's hands. I can't say more, I can't do more, I sldn't even see you, hear you. So help me my dear, don't even try. Cruel as it may be, I can almost say I can't resist, so help me, dun even try... Look to the Lord, u'll get what I mean. It's not yours nor my mistake, it's time we learn. God has allowed it, so let us learn through it. Yupp. what to do? we're sinful Man after all...No promises, no expectations. If we're meant to be, we will be. Let our hearts be still and pray. Love you. God bless (: Adieu/.

you lost one, you still got another. uhhuh...how blessed...

to another special you: I can't find the words to say at the moment. I can only say i dunno my heart too well u know so yea.. I'll keep my distance, just so not to hurt you, not to stumble you, not to confuse you...i dun wan us or rather me perhaps to burn up or sth. Eee. dun like ashes... What for? Yea...so God really had it all planned out huh?Time so nicely fit, countcount and u'll know =p Wells wells, we're on rough waters this year but God has seen us through so far yea? So no worries to the more that is to come. Bring it on!. Haha. Virtual lines gets blurred, lines on paper lasts yea? I think so too.. *noodds* Ventured into unsafe grounds...then i saw the light turned orangee.. uhhuh. wells wells...everything under God's love and convenent remain safe and secure, blameless and pure, so no worries. Let us keep just that (: God bless. Loves. Adieu/.

i'm already losing one, what's one more right? hah/.

how i long to have those arms wrapped around me..
how i long to have your eyes fixed upon me alone...
how i long to have your lips touch my cheeks...
how i long to hear you speak and sing to me...
how i long to have you take my hand into yours...
how i long to have your fingers running through my hair...
how i long to have your body close to mine....
how i long, i long/. (longing but never doing. *shakes*)
- who are you? i wonder too...-

help me to know that Father, You are more than enough (:

lalalala...my brains are too charred to say ath more le, lest my heart just stop or sth. So dun wanna risk it.. off i go ppl. Dun rack ur brains if u dun uds. If u're meant to, u will. Byee.. (:

vulnerability of the heart

2007-06-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

God will make a way (please do)

Oh God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way.....He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today.

Heart has 2 halves; so does the mind. Close open open close open or close? malfunctioning/.

It's strange how some things can fly despite of gravity? Mmm...it's roots are in e ground, but it had wings, dying to break free... But i won't let it, I can't afford to, the price is too great to pay.

mebbe i should join HI club; the body language n hand gestures; over words? audible words. I wish my lips were sealed; then no words good or evil will come out of it. No hearts would be broken, no hope would be given; heart's liberation, mind's discrimmination. Blehh :/

i am no pirate; i value originality. So no replacements are allowed on my premises...>.<

stop trying; i'm bound to this inevitability. Just move forward and press on in Christ.

digits away-1314; I can't be more grateful, dun let me be, or i'll really be. But then again, dun u be what u ain't suppose to be or assume what u dun nid to. You are who you are. I am who i am. Both fearfully n wonderfully made... God is watching (:

sighhh....give me the space to express. haizz... ))):

wells..no nid to think too much bout e above. No one ever said my posts are reader-friendly anyways. Just pray if u love me. Thanks dearies. Nights.

Oh my heart, my dear dear heart <3

2007-06-02T00:51:00.000-07:00

You'll still be faithful/. my Lord my God (:

Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the rain that You send, and every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, o Lord.

Like the rose that comes alive every spring,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the life that You give, to every beat of my heart,

You are so faithful, o Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the wave,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful,
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful, o Lord.

d.n.e/.-my prayer-

Fallen but picked up
Breathless but revived
You alone can make hearts whole
You alone can make souls complete
Thank u Jesus; you held on till e end.

Sweet fragrance of God's love in Man.
Sweeter than any candy,choco and pie
Enchants more than any perfume; alluring
n champagne roses alike; balanced, just right.
All bcos God added His touch to it. Thank You n thank you(:

you are no replacement; but an essential supplement. But God's still my nutrient; my true vine.

His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours; there's no limit to Him /. mmm...

Evaporation takes places at all times but not all things can evaporate.

My heart is Yours Lord, only Yours. Keep it well, for it's so hard. When i m weak, that's when U're strong. Be still my heart, be still (but not die off...) Pray pray...

till then? for now? uhhuh...

when music becomes silent, when serenity works in e adverse; till then fret not.

See me, Hear me, Feel me, Touch me- senses ain't for nothing you know; but senses of the heart is a tricky thing, because they are more powerful than the being. Be careful...mmm..

Indifference; forbidden.
Emotions; a taboo.
contradictory uhhuh, think again...
I am a GIRL/.

almost over you (not)/. -sheena easton-

I saw an old friend of ours today,she asked about you
I didn't quite know what to say....
Heard you've been making the rounds'round here,
while i've been trying to make tears disappear......

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you........

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
maybe leaving came easy, but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds, they say and I should know'
cause it seems like forever, but i'm letting you go.....

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you.....

I can forgive you and soon i'll forget
all those shattered dreams...
although you've left me with
nothing to show, full of misery....

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you.......

Obedience. Surrender. take me in lord/. Adieu;nite-out.

p.s : to the many whose hearts i've failed, crushed, tempt or melt, this is life. I am not God, only He can heal thee. To those whose hearts were on tenderhooks for me, thank you. I am loved/. I am still here and will be, it's not time to go yet, just yet....Nights/.

Reflections....

2007-05-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

-Before I Fall In Love-

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel'
Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Please give me a reason to believe
Say, you're the one
That you'll always be

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...Before I fall in love..

-d.n.e-

Father, help me to feel ur heartbeat,
heard n spoken; transcends all understanding
My walk, my fall; pick me up and fill my cup.
Father's arms; had I not? Devil's snare, i will not.

i see Your footprints in the sand (:

Trace back the steps, let time reverse,
had we not met (again), I wld still be.
had we free choice or simply free will?
Man willed? or God-destined? u tell me.

Day and night; night and day.
Nearer to Him i should, nearer to you i shun.
The heart that struggles to rest,
The lips that had to part.
Why are you not helping?
Cos' I had not been resisting?
And yet there You are watching over me.

Back to square one/. (just that now i see all of them circling? >.<)

somewhere out there, far far away...I know you're still there (:
Seek the Father's heart, know your own heart.
Too many things unheard, but He left them unsaid.
The way, The truth n The life; let us hang on to thee.
Insights, thoughts, endless perceptions.
All tangled up, someplace taboo-ed.
Hear not, see not, fear not?
Till then...my dear (",) Adieu/.

Life is precious, cherish and treasure.
RIP my friend; forever remembered love <33

Are you or am I? mmm....

I know it but i had to do it. Help me Lord, to walk my talk, esp in This.

and to all my family, friends, and darlings; before it's too late: I LOVE YOU.

Imagine Me without You Lord ( i can't)

2007-04-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

Imagine Me Without You

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll need

In my life you're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you --Jaci Velasquez

The Lord says"I esteem you better than myself."O.O Wow! I'm THAT important (:
I am not just one of the many :) but a precious child being embraced in e loving arms of God (:

Psalm 139:17-18
"How precious to me are your thoughts O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand" ((:

you & me who is full of thoughts; be it wild, loving, sinful, longing, dreamy and whatnots.Can u even fill a bottle or jar of sand? let alone the sand of the whole earth. This immeasurable depth and vastness of our Father's thoughts is, none other but of us :) No one can love me like You do. No one can fill the void in me except You. Perfect Love comes ONLY from above. Mmm... (:

Let this thought seep in, let this Love flow into your life.
The choice is yours(mine too!) :D God Bless and GoodBye...wheee :D

Closure 2006/2007

2007-04-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

Closure 2006/2007

Helloooo friends (: It's been a really long time since i've last blog....I'm quite a moody blogger i realise.. Anyways...most of u tink it's not reader-friendly...so why bother? Haha. LoL. But still...thanks for all ur concern. Love u all :D So...here's my life so far...from 06/07..(long long entry) =p

-Captured-
Picture-perfect; undefined
rich in blankness, void in fullness

Silhouette of Man, still as one
shadows of men now intertwined;
dancing across the closed clean slate
barely scraped past its invisible frame.

Memories fade lest time divides
do i have the rights to decide?
Carved on deep, etched in hard
dawn to dust; hath none depart?

Which of these are mine to claim?
Which of these are here to stay?
Withered flower, end your seek
Abba Father, the Only need.

2006; a test of my obedience to follow God's will.

Family (:
It's been awhile.. you did it!!! Thanks for ur perserverance, hardship, sorrows and unsaid concerns, tt have painstakingly brought us thus far. Can't imagine life without you DAD! 我爱你 !! Xin ku ni le! ((: Those eyes that speak of authority and even made me cry, but it is those very same eyes that blinked with love; a father's love. I say, Adieu/. It's a matter of time, I see it coming.. but i still choose to commit it to You lord. You know what's best, you had it all planned. Teach me, it's hard.....

Slowly gently, bit by bit...i see my childhood dream- the premonition, coming to pass...it's really scary...i kan let it eat me up! But i'm sure God has His plans so it's mine to believe in that instead of this. But then again..it might be Him getting me prepared..i have no idea...but as God wills...(walk with me Lord)

Again yet again, cooped up in her little world; count it bliss? or helpless despair? When are u going to step out? C'mon...take our hands...we are waiting.. just come. Lord, take her hand into Yours, n help her take that step of faith out! out! out/. Voices, hallucinations, u're NOTHING in Jesus's name!! So come mummy, we're prayfully waiting.... mmm (:

Friends (:
Darlings, stc dearies, my CG, and jiemeis,, thanks for walking me through all these while. You girls are irreplaceable ((: all your words,concerns,smiles n hugs; precious gems that I'll keep in my heart.

Special thank to....

MY ONE & ONLY new-found brother-BEST kor ever!! =D=D=D
It's really one of the greatest blessing in my life to have known you. You're really a God-send ((: Looking back...amazed at how u've made a difference in my life and to me (: Not by chance, nor by fate, but His divine appointment! I feel so so blessed, really =D Simply beautiful *beams* Love you so much kor. hee =D

Walking down that lonely road
seemingly bright, deceivingly dark,
you found me, you were there/.

In the eyes of men, a flawless show
Perhaps? but with you..a no-no.
Pretense unveiled, pride unmasked
you knew me, you were there/.

Sunken cries;echoed pleas
Heart into two, mirrored as one
Without a cry, just a whisper
you heard me, you were there/.

Soul companion; God's precious gift
Blessed and loved, prayers and tears
Holding me, you are here (:

Philppians 1:3. Thank GOD for u kor, truly. Love ya! (:

My Jiemeis: peggy and meliza =D
Thank you dearies for staying by me all this while. No matter how much we get sidelined by busyness, I know deep down that u're here. Perhaps not in being, but in spirit. No matter how challenged I was by the distance; how much my heart yearns for ur company at times, I believe that the love we shared in God, is more than enough to keep us going (: Cheers to our many many more yrs of sisterhood! =D

Mel: dearie, so much memories we shared; be it happy, emoish, crazy or girly... they're are all so precious to me. And I'm sure it won't stop there (: I shall make you happy and say it again: MEL ROX!. hahah.. =D I meant it/. Remember out talk at vivo that nite... rmb gal; if u want it at that level, u gotta give that level of commitment too. Relationships are meant to be reciprocal. We're all learning dear. Believe me, u're esteemed higher then u think u are (: Stay strong in the Lord girl , let no worldly matters cost u ur focus. Jiayous baobei! I know it's hard, but rmb with e Lord, all things are possible. Mel dear, u're indeed beautiful and wonderfully made- keep ur cheery self. Blessing you with the JOY of the Lord. Take care my dear *hugs hugs* ((:

My precious CFers (:
"To know Jesus profoundly and to serve Him passionately" I thank God for giving me such a beautiful family. God has really shown me and blessed me so much with CF. Life-changing; a heart ministry.The people in it are simply amazing =D More so is the God if it all! God is so good..heee ((:

and many more others, thank you :)

Happy Birthday to MEee :D Yes yes...I've turned eighteen already; like in Jan! :) No biggie really. Nothing rahrah, nothing rebellious, nothing extravagant, just an ordinary girl turning 18 (: But the love that was showered, the blessings that were given, far more amazing =D It sure is an interesting journey ahead. Teach me Lord to walk my talk. Thank you God, thank you people. <333

再说一次我爱你....最后一次....爱你/.

感觉梦醒着
感觉心痛着
感觉你不在了
谁来证明爱是存在的

我们被困着
被过去骗着
这一切都不一样世界怎么了

Memory 浩荡如空气
明知你在那里
却有难以跨越的距离
我(们)在放弃涂白了记忆
以为就可以伪装无邪的美丽

难道说选择了忘记
而解放了自己
是否就拥有挑战爱情的勇气
当时光交缠在一起
成说不清的思绪
我却只要那段最美的回忆 -- 忘记- 林俊杰

The veil divides. Goodbye my love.
Time stood still (if only)
From this moment on, I say, Adieu. 再见 my once true love, u're history/.

Emotions devour me; feelings trapped
Save me from this loneliness Lord
Deliver me from my misery.
Only you can fill this void
in my oh-so lonely heart.
Hush my cries, dry my tears
Jesus Christ, I am yours forvermore.

Intruder! I said "Go!" It's time to get my focus back, it's time to hide no more. Draw me close to You, pleaseee.

Life goes on, everthing moved on. So will I. Let God heal me...as time slips away ba... Wells..hols's almost over...yr 2 gonna commence. And with my new role in CF and the academic stress...mmm...I reli nid to align this yr's resoultion with it: Priorities. Mmmm...a great challenge indeed. But no prob, God's with me (:

We are shaking grounds indeed, Lord in our midst, hear us (:

FOCUS kat FOCUS- On Christ and Christ alone. Stop getting sidelined by emoness, busyness and wadsoever. STOP! Yup, that's all folks. Nights. Take Care and God Bless! (((:

Magic of Love

2006-12-30T00:27:00.000-08:00

15th Dec: Magic Of Love ((:

Open hearts Open minds
Unspeakable wonders
Unexpected miracles
o God, you are THE ONE indeed/.

It was great. fantastic. refreshing. heartwarming. spectacular. much more than what mere words could express.

Of all days..dear lecturer had to end lsn like ONE whole hr late... and my grp was actually the FIRST grp to present.. wad a LONG wait can.. bahhs.. =x oh well.. I was already qyte panickly.. having diff grps of ppl alr waiting for me at diff places.. I so need to fly..

Hungry girls must get fooodd... hahah... so we all still decided to eat at changi Popeye's before the show. ugh..bad bad choice.. proven! Popeye's :)) nice nice.. brought my frens dere.. met the entire grp at T2. So so funnnyyy la.. i was like a tour guide..gathering 14 guys n gals dere. " Everyone, gather gather. Letme do a head count?!?" Haha.. I was so so tempted to just hold a "Follow Me" signboard. Hah!! superrr funnnyyy.. ROFL. =p

Haha.. time's running out. We are happily at T1 at 7.10 when seating at expo was at 7.20!! Bahss... Imagine me leading a grp of gals running all the way; from Popeye's to skytrain, to mrt tn to expo Hall TEN ehhs.. beat that! Hahah.. and dun forget, there were people like me in heels.. Solid la.. x_X Poor them.. we onli reached at like 7.45!! It's free seating.. so we onli managed to get side seats.. but with the big screen, good enough lahh. Hahah. =) Wells.. but we sat in 2 diff rows.. what to do? FOURTEEN ppl ehhs. LOL.

As usual, 2006 " Magic Of Love at Christmas" was better than the prev one. A show that combines drama, magic; a musical as well. It was a blast! To be honest, I am so proud of my pastor, so cool! Haha; like my friend say, he's not young yet he got charisma. Heh! Thank God for the changed lives. Thank God for Pastor Khong and his family. Thank God for the whole production crew. Thank God for the audience- the open hearts n minds. Most importantly of all. THANK GOD. If not for You, this would not even be possible (((:

Thank God who the people who were there, for the show and support- my darlings :D Peggy, Meliza, Daniel, Qimin, Kathleen, Delia, Cheang, Myra, CaiYun, Yenyen, Pingting, Alina and fren. It was really an encouragement and pure joy to have you all (: Esp my gals, great bonding isn't it. I pray that more of this will come in 2007, these will definately help us to bond strongly, esp Bo2 ppl ain't it? hahaha.. i am so so happy.. fluttering fluttering... :D

Also, I thank God for Him seeing me, peg and mich thru out Project CandyX ?!?! Hahah.. u know wad I mean gals =p lol. Through it all, I really see His grace and love for His people. How perfect a planner He is. How he show mere humans like us how each and every step he plans has a purpose; His purpose. All I could do is to stand in awe and marvel at my God; my love :D Thank God for all the sharing, for the open hearts that spoke of love and of trust. Thank you my sister for sharing; I really appreciate it. I believe in the years to come in ech, God will open doors as we 3 work together to share His love, a precious gem, to those around us :D

Girlfriend (:
Words speak, actions prove
in it, held all you wanna say
True, sincere, love and whatnots
that's all I need, nothing more.
Thank God, thank you.
blessings flowed like tears
my heart's call for you/. ti amo

Protect them with Your love, Your grace; protect them Lord.

What?
what is what's not?
what will what won't?
what shields what yields?
what's what? I really don't know/.

Many are confused, enstrangled, stiffled, tempted- Pride cause Man to fall. Lord, shine Your light on us, through us; deep within search our souls/.

I pray for a good closure for year 2006/. pleaseee..

Beautiful Day

2006-12-20T23:43:00.000-08:00

7th dec A beautiful day/.

Beautiful skies, scented air.
Lush greenery, fragrance stays.
thy clouds sing its little tune,
Swift, gentle breeze carried it through.
Nature smiles, it lives.

God's beautiful creation greeted me that morning :)) Wonderous, simplistic beauty of Nature captivated me. No, I'm not a naturalist, just a little girl opening up the doors of her world to let The Light in; lifting up my head, wide-eyed to marvel at God's masterpiece on dear earth :) Once again, God breathed into me :D For that moment, all else fades, it's just me and Him ((:

What do one think of birds? Freedom- its ability to soar; over the mountains and across the seas... its kingship over land and man...its view from above. Such sights, such ability, such authority, such rights.. how can it ever be still?This day, dear Lord said, " Be still, my child. If these birds can, why can't u?" Before my very eyes, sat a big flock of birds, lined up neatly along the borders of a rooftop below me...can u believe it? They were so still that they seem almost inanimate. How can such active creatures be so still? How can they own the wings to freedom and yet not use it? Why can't I, a being with intelligience and self-control; without wings be still?

Yes, Father. I literally see what u mean alr. Thank You for showing me; so real so true. You knew I had to, I need to. If not for this morning, I simply dunno how I could go on...this race of insanity, uncertainty, with humanity. But once again, God shows that He's above all, enthroned and in control. ((: Whee....I love THE bright red unbrella, even more; the handler of it. Hee (((: A shelter over my head, a trusting hand I held on to, an authority above all seasons in life (:

As the saying goes: A friend is one who weathers with you. But, have you heard of one who weathers with you, but yet already places a shelter over you? One who already thought ahead who you, one who sees your needs better then you do? Aww... sighss...I am so in love with Jesus; my best friend. ((: lalalalaA day started right with God and I pray it will go on so...

Met xin at Cathay to watch Casino Royale (: followed by sheparding at Billy Bombers..haha..what a place? but quiet enough la..nice food, great service. Haha (: that reminds me of my encounter with that glass door, I actually rammed into it before.. arghh... the waiter on the other side of the door was rofl la..but even I had a good laugh la...LOL! =p

okie darlings....end it off here~ a very happy, high and tired me.. heh! =p whee...

Confusion- heart or mind?

2006-12-05T23:56:00.000-08:00

Mind over Heart or Heart over Mind.

I no longer know what to feel, or how to feel. I do know, I don't want to but I can't. :/ It's so painful to be emptied out each day. Rough patches creates friction, and too much of that wears one out. I long to be happy, to truly be. But, I believe and I will.

"Storms cease for us to praise God and they start over again for us to weather with God"

Broken hearts, broken lifes
He will take them all
Tears, Rants, Groans, Pleads
hear us Lord, hear us.
We long to see the light
We are crushed by our sin
Renew us and strengthen us
for hope is faint.

Life's topsy-turvey; like when u shook a bottle of sand vigorously. Water won't dissolve them, it simply twirls and swirls till u're upside down, and inside out.
Help me Lord, help me, help us, help them I pray....

Incessant praying
Sincere devotions
Willed determination
Unwavering Faith
hear us from heaven Lord, hear our prayer.

StressStressStressStressStress!!!
overload and overtaxed.Academics, family dynamics, fading friendships, failing cg, drained minds, exhausted bodies, broken hearts, broken lifes. Give us strength Lord, give me enerrgy.

LET GO AND LET GOD. (((:
Nothing is greater than to leave all your baggages, and hold on to God firmly with BOTH hands. We will never be forsaken, even if our hands slipped, guess what, His soverign hands lay right below us to cushion our fall. How great our God is, how gracious, how loving.

I can really cry all night, to know that I have such a Father looking at me from above. It's a blessing really, can you all feel it? I know who HE is, HE knows who I am-- eternal relationship that never fails. Luv u (:When we do let go, then we can see what God can do what we can't. Miracles, He specialises in them, really/.

It's not in the doing, it's really in the being. Let them go their way, let them fall and learn, but yet we are just there to pick them up again, opening the palm of our hands, waiting for them to come back again. Just wait, God will bring them back. It pains me, but have I not thot how much more it pains God, to see His own creation falter. Ouchh... sobs.... :((((

I thank God for mark n mel for being there for support, comfort n to encourage me to stay in God's will. I cldn't have done it w/t you two, really. Especially that faithful week. Thanks MELIZA for listening, for ur hugggies n smilies. It warms my heart gal!! Thanks MARK for that evening, for the things u shared, for the words that's said, I cherish every bit of it. and not to forget, the tons of hw u helped me with, despite all tt u are gg thru. Thank God for you. xD and of cos, dearest PEGGY, for journeying and weathering thru these with me. We must press on hard together yea? Jiayou!

*Three words i have for you, three words to stick with you, three words not my own. three and here is it. "Jesus wept" too'. Press on, its alright to not feel smiley and show it, its alright to be yourself, its alright to just feel... its alright when it hurts, its alright to even be numb. you're just human after all.' There's no point in psychoing yourself.. you'll just be more tired... the only help would be that.. you go back to God and rely on that. So you dont have to be strong, just be weak and know His strength, that will carry you thru and be manifested* -kor

A million thanks n Goodnight ('',)

A day of wonders!

2006-11-08T00:14:00.000-08:00

A day of wonders!

WOW, WOW, WOW, wow, wow

A day of wonders A day of miracles
Unspeakable and Irrevocably changed.
Changed Hearts, Changed minds
Renewed Spirit, Rekindled passion.

8th Nov: I'll never forget, hard to/. you really surprise me with ur words! I guess I've underestimated the magnitude of this whole issue :/ you established the links now... i finally understood what's lying beneath it all. once so nicely put, so wonderfully hidden, and now outright exposed- the reality of it all aye?

Then again, it's so precious to have a fren like you; a fren who goes beyond the superficial, a fren who attempts to address hurts, and not afraid to face them at all, a fren who unveils the curtain or e mask and shares genuienly :) your tears, your smiles, I see it all. I sincerely apologise for my insensitivity. Little things, big outcomes, I am sorry :) thru it all, i'm reli deeply touched by the intensity of our frenship :D Thank God for you..my very own *marshmellow* xD Hee.

Down down down... overwhelmed by e blues that overflowed thru e nite. It was hard and tough. I was afraid, for I could not fathom the complications; in fact I rather not. I knew what it held, I knew what I might have to forgo, I didn't wan to let go... :/

Below's a classic example of a person inevitably stuck in a series of unfortuanate event....

Decided to wear my fav pink n white to soften the day, to change my mood, to stay happy. So much for that...guess what?? After my meal, one drink ruins it all. Nice, semi-hot milk tea nicely(notso) made art on my clean, white top, and my light pink skirt. Beautiful..just beautiful.. =x Din even realise I had tea stains on my legs as well?? Bahs... who ask me nv focus, mind was occupied with other stuff. Oh well...it just happened.. :(

So..in a bad state and a short break left,I chiong home. Being darn poor this wk, my onli transport is my short legs and the bus. To make things worse, it was pouring when i got back to sch, which means a longer route to class. I NEARLY got bummed by a car, I NEARLY fell on e water puddles, but I DID broke my toenail and it's painfully removed by urs truly. (bravely in class :/) No details, for I dun wan sick readers. But thank God, I still managed to made it to class ON TIME, in one piece :)

So much for a favourite outfit ruined and a failed attempt at mood change huh, it just happen :/ Simply intensified cos I was already quite a wreck within, in prep for e talk 2nite.. for e things happening ard me and the 1001 things on my mind. Everytime I take a step forward with God, satan tries to pull me 2 steps back; plotting on the vulnerability of man. It's especially easy in such an absurd day, ain't it? BUT thank GOD, he sent ppl to journey with me; be it in e know ornot. Thanks..really :)

Special thanks to peg for trying and kor for cheering me up :D ur sms-es are indeed encouraging, time had wings with you ard... cheerioz ^^ Cf was fruitful as always.. watched a real touching testimony. How vulnerable man get be? How helpless situations can get? How faithful one in distress cld be? How tragedies deviates our focus from God? How sovereign my god is! What a testimony! Love at all cost; easy to say, hard to fulfil it aye? onli God can :)

Ohh, n sorry kor n fel dear to make u all worry..I juz cldn't kip e smile dere then:/ Dinner was ok, cept tt not much appetite. Haha, din noe a line of mine cld make someone choke on their food!?!? Wahaha :p funnily, it did. heh!

9-10.10pm: A God-graced session et KAP. Had a real fruitful talk with peg :) We prayed, we talked, we searched e depths of e issue... Through it all, God gave us a vision, a direction and His Word to meditate on. Thank God for such a mature spiritual sister. We were stumped, to realise we have it all wrong. God asked us Which do we value more? 1.Earthly worldly frenship OR 2.Our relationship with God. Do we dare to please God, at the risk of losing a friend? Are we limiting God's work in her life and interferring with His work, when we try to please a fren? And so WE were enlightened :D Help us Lord to stay strong, stay faithful and use us, use us to share your perfect love with those we love. Help me Lord to get over the thing tt I've always feared...Hear our cries Lord! All glory be to God. See, how the Lord can turn an absouletly rotton day, and put a beautiful end to it in e nite :)

God is a God of wonders, indeed! :D He just had me go thru e day, to make me learn His ways, n I was not alone :) I'm all smiles because of u Lord. Through You, all things are possible and beautiful. luv u xD

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 " We are hard crushed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed BUT not in despair; persecuted BUT not abandoned; struck down BUT not abandoned."

Philippians 3:13b-14" Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on 2wards e goal to win e prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:6-7 " Do not be anxious about ath, but in everything; by prayer n petition, with tksgiving, present ur requests to God. And e Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard ur hearts n ur minds in Christ Jesus"

Wheee ((: tink i deserve to sleep now..i nid to rest..nites world! :D

A great annointing, a lesson learnt.

2006-11-05T00:30:00.000-08:00

A great annointing, a lesson learnt.

Hello to all my friends! I uds that this blog has died-ed for nearly a month. I am sorry for this stagnation; echoed here, reverted in reality. My apologies to the many that were worried, and gratitude to the many that were concerned.I didn't want to worry certain ppl, so yea..And I love you, every single one of you :)

Life goes on, but some things flow in a cycle, some things changed and some things don't. How many a times have you wondered about the gift of life? Have you ever cherished it? Have you realised how precious every breath, every utter is? I DID/. through it all, I DID.God is good, he is faithful :)

A simple statement, an unbreakable promise eternally. He never left me, not once, not at all. I let go, He held on, I struggled, He persisted, I surrender, He smiled. Nothing I did wld ever make Him close that door, O wad greater love than this? I luv u Lord :)

My friends, u tink it's any easier for our Lord, our Father to see us tormented, crying ann in pain? Have you ever felt God stroking ur hair in bed, looking at His beaten child, crying His heart out,for He knew that however painful the trials are, it's for your good. Think again, whose pain is multiplied a thousand folds? The Creator or its Creation? It saddens me to think that sumtimes we take that for granted. Beat that, you can't. Only our Father loves unconditionally,yes indeed!

Sometimes, when one is vulerable in the eyes of men,he or she is strong in the Lord
Sometimes, I allow myself to immerse in mellowing, perhapsa little dosage seems to keep me in the know huh?
Sometimes, sorrows lies beneath joy. Can I unearth it? Can I blind myself to see only what's beautiful on the outside, yet knowing it's superficial?
Sometimes, a handshake; a smile; a polite nod; a look in e eye; a simple greeting, is enough to satisfy a longing heart, but it pricks a rational mind.
Sometimes, nono, ALL the time, the Lord stands above all these mere thoughts n emotions that only burdens n wears me out, He delievers, He saves/. :D

Every passing day went round like a carousel, drifted in and out of reality, but ultimately a standstill, God is my alarm clock! God is the author and perfector of our lives, as the chapters continue to unfold in my life.. I await patiently, with love, courage and a mind open ONLY to the truth. I pray.. (",) And my precious friends who are weighed down n burdened, distressed n disturbed, may God's peace be with you, and His joy in you. Prayer works wonders. Trust Me ^^

Yesteraday's infuence
Today's memories
Tomorrow's reunion
Holding u close in thot n prayer as u walk thru this time :)

WOW ----- WORSHIP, OBEDIENCE and WITNESS.
made a loud statement @ 3rd Nov et SAC. God's really there, really present, really working :) Thank God for getting me through worship, was pretty nervous at first, not too much of a stage person, till the ppl ceased in sight and I only cld see God smiling from above. ^^ hehheh.

God sitting on His throne, His ppl below lifted up their voices to worship Him, open hearts, open minds, recieving hands, what a sight!! A 100% God-graced session. xD Thank God for open doors, for the ppl that came. I believe that God will begin to stir in their hearts. Jesus works in wonderous ways :D Continue to use us Lord, for the furtherance of your kingdom :)

Hebrews 12:1-2 says"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Amen-

Little Thankyous (for october) :
1. Mei Ling: "mummy", thanks for your constant reminders, to focus on our good Lord :)
2. Meliza: All-time jiemei and spiritual sister- blessed to know you, my dear :D luv u to BITS!
3. TianEn: An inspiration, a motivation; honourably my CF tao. Haha. you'll be amazed how little things in their little ways made a defining difference in my life. Thanks :)
4. Mark (kor): You make a difference in my walk; my spiritual walk esp.All the sharing online, sms, really kept me going.You make my day! Whee...Hang in there! With God, you are strong. "Trade your sorrows for His joy" :D
5. Abel: fallen angel's back :) whee..i got my mango pudding. hehheh :p
6. Serene: A great encouragement, a positive affirmation that God works, God reigns. My guai meimei xD
7. Peggy: A pleasant surprise, god-planned indeed. A spiritual buddy; a sister indeed. Blessed!
8. Felicia (jie): You are my sunflower, thanks for bringing smiles.
9. Fuji: A faithful mentor, never fail to bring joy. Always praying for me, I am touched :)
10. Alwyn: My e-companion, forever sensitive n caring. Thanks! :D

*names not mentioned, i thank u too. God bless! whee...nightss!! (:

Beach: gals-out.

2006-10-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

Beach With stc DARLINGS!!!

Had a great day with my stc gals at Sentosa today.The same old faces, the same old lameness, the same old crap, the same old tune. No unfamilarity nor distant feel, juz a bond closer than ever, a bond that was rooted so deeply since our stc days. No need for social talk, just be yourself and let it go (= haha. It's feels so good to be in this company again!! :D

Headed for the LUGE first...whee...loved e fun.. but i luv e hilarious bits tt came along with it..thanks to YOU. wahaha. someone had a wee bit trouble manipulating..someone loved the bushes..so cute..I nearly died of cramps laughing how adorable my gal is.. wahah :p Went to siloso instead 2dae.. sun's ok..not too bad..i am GLAD of cos, the rest are MAD; cos dey wanna do tanning :p Slacked, ate tons of chips, chill, play ball (tweety bird wan la..so cute!Owner: delia)wahaha; cept tt all our parents say we wan to die izzit? cos PSI was lyk 150++.. madness!

Tons of fun, shared bout e bits in our lifes.. e lovey bits esp..haha.. then me became the water-taxi again...forever it's me wan ehhs..why o why -_-"' Hahahah. then the bathroom was so packed and we all lazy to bathe!! GUESS WHAT, we decided to bathe in the open shower; with clothes on?? mmms. hehheh. but still.. we observed, we knew, we laughed to bits!! wahahah :p Madness manx...haha.

Chiong back to Harbour Front to meet Abel n Serene for my FREE dinner..Wahah..tks to nice angel abel rite? :p Hahaha. Vivo City opening day!! typical s'poreans, the crowd flocked dere. Total Madness -_-" Had to eat at hawker instead, tn my XXL chicken at vivo. Abel was damn shagged la..he lyk goin to crash anytime le. Hahas. So only me and serene went to soak in the moonlight by the sea. Chatted qyte abit and tireness got us up on our feet n we headed home..

Girls-out =)

2006-10-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

It's a GiRl thing- I luv my jiemeis :))

Todae's beautiful, fruitful, meaningfull, I can't emphasize more on e "FULLness" of it. Lolx :) Met my 2 lovely darlings: Meliza n Felicia :D It's the perfect day for some girl talk and shopping!Haha..as expected, we are all LATE!! mel, me then feli. FELICIA mananged to clinch e title for being e latest among us. By a whole 40 mins!! Hhaha.. thou e earliest was late by 1/2 an hr.Dots..that's just so us..Haha...so much for dilly-dallying!! Haha! Mel & i aar..bad dress day.wrong choice..flimsy skirts are a no-no on a very windy day!! So we tried to stay indoors.

Clothes speak my mood. I am a little too "high", sweentened n smitten with something. Haha...over my rare, unexpected, sweetsweet DREAM this morning!! :)))))) lolx.Dreams are beautiful if you choose to believe. Though it chews on reality, but I want to stay deceived but happy for now :D However short it'll be, I dun care, I just wan to treasure and cherish the dream. It felt so so real. I melted under that gaze, upon that touch, yes I did- in e dream/.

Okie...starved gals kan go shopping..so we headed to Yoshi..mel was craving for it :) Lovely meal, wonderful companions. A supposedly chop chop lunch lasted for hours..Girl talk makes my day!! :D All that sharing, all that giggling, sudden outbursts, choked food, just bonded us more. We met not by chance nor by fate but we believe by God's divine appointment. It happened so fast that I am still in disbelief :D

Chatting n exchanging info bout our lives can be so encouraging, esp when we see how God works in your fren's life. A living testimony :D It's really rather hard to believe that words cld flow so freely, without deception, without fear, without pride, when we onli known each other for such a short time. I luv u gals!! I can't sae enuf :D

End of gal talk..after a long long time. Went ard Wisma..me n feli were qyte broke..so din not splurge or even spend ath then. We were camwhoring in topshop's fitting room.. as expected :P Got similar tops from Topshop..haha..onli Mel bought thou..Haha..we almost wanted to officialise tt as our threesome top. Haha...luckily we lyked different colours. Or else..goodness -_- lolx :p

Nearly rotted while waiting for the gals to getout of e changing rooms at Forever21. It feels like forever, when u have like 4 big bulky, lengthy cardboards under your arms!?!? THANKS TO MELIZA- her design works dun make such a gd companion in a shopping mall after all.... Lolx.

Roamed ard FarEast..not fruitful. Oh well..nvm.. but i set out to buy my nice pumps n probably e bikinis from SheerRomance when I wan2 splurge!?!? u gals won't stop pestering..wun u? :p Basically, a great day out. GirlTime :D

I thank God for them, so so much!! Love you girls!! And baobei Meliza is now officially my nitechat partner. Hhaha.. all that talking..NEAT!! Oh well.. I got to crash.Good nite ppl n God bless :D

Give me some time, I promise to try/.

CF Mooncake Fellowship.

2006-10-03T04:57:00.000-07:00

CF Mooncake Fellowship/.

The day started when my phone rang. Argh..dad just woke me up fm my beauty sleep..Ahh... althou it's alr 1.30pm...opps :p Can't blame la.. my body clock has been inversed, slept at 5am ehhs. Haha. Whoo...mooncake celebration was a blast!!! :) It is my very 1st time celebrating this festival. Haha..so exciting :D
Simply amazing to fellowship with my fellow cfers; forever god-centered. Worshiping God n praying in an open space makes e cele not juz a cele, but a fellowhip with my "family" and God; that in itself is a testimony to the public.

Hahah :) Green-tea mookcake rox!! Mel bought from m'sia. nice nice :) Had like this lantern run game, but some of us cheat la, lazy run one big round..so juz walked abit tn go backwards..oh well :p Chill...sat around n chit-chat wif my gals. 3 ECH ppl..haha.. .I love gal talk..Wahaha :)

With all due respect, I urge you not to do it again. I am just not too pleased. Whatever you do, whatever you say, I decided to face it. I decided to stop running. I decided to let go and let God. From this moment on, I pray I will stop sinning bcos of you. Yup, thank God :)

Haha... can't wait for WOW worship!! God's gonna be there. I pray that this event will touch many and be a living testimony; majestic view of christians all bonded n worshipping our one and only God. Haha.. wheee :P Okie..nites ppl..zonked out...Haha..

my love, i can cry to see you care. Whee, I'm glad/.

Mellows; a bitter liking.

2006-10-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Mellows make my day. /

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!! :D Church was great, juz tt we took an awfully long time, just to get seats for 4. Oh well.. lotsa ppl 2dae, it's an evangelical event. :) Ps Kong's back, performed family magic 2dae. and Paradise Band from australia led worship 2dae. great! :)

Ps kong reminded me to live life inside-out and not outside-in. Change starts from within. I once read in a book: Man live lifes of quiet desperation, but now it is more like Man live lifes of aimless distractions. We should keep our focus on God, so that we will not be affected by whatever's happening outside.Man can't live without a body, man can't think without his mind, but Man can't exist without a soul, God lies in that inner soul of ours. We need to sustian tt, or wadever's left outside is superficial n redundant. ..

Okie..after serene, jade n eechuan left..me n yvonne journeyed to Changi, since it's so near. Ate at popeye chicken,delicious! It's at terminal 1 :) *yummy* Was ttly bloated, so we decided to stroll ard changi, look thru e glass panes, at the beautiful planes n e vast runway. :)

Isit valentine alr? or is Changi a hot spot for couples? Wells, we all know the answer..don't we. I hate to admit it, but one simply gets drawn to all that lovey dovey that's in the air. The love that lingers, the 2 shadows that effortlessly wraps ard, oh well, can I bear not to notice?

All these activated my mellow button. Oh well, suddenly it's coming back to me again; over n over again. As me n vonne look at e misty view thru e glass panes, we wondered, we wished, we reflect, we desire. Then, we started suaning each other: O, what a beautiful place, what a wonderful setting, wad a desirable timing, but o, wad a person we have beside us. Hahahaha :P wrong...sians.. lolx

All these mellowing is bad, i noe. but sumtimes I can't help but allow myself to indulge in it. Interstingly, sometimes, one rather immense themselves in mellow-ing. It may be a bitter liking, but unknown joy or satisfaction somewhat grows. I guess it's bcos I allow myself to, I want myself to.

Oh well, it'll be over soon....Yvonne says: we really "duo chou shan gan". I agree..all e way fm changi to hm..we are loving our mellows, or rather we dunno y, but we juz kan snap out of it altogether, at least it's so for me. I pray for a miracle; rather a selfish desire.

Oh great..I'm forced to snap out of my mellowy mode cos I'm dying. Haha...oh well.. from crampy, to giddy, now I'm abt to throw up. Goodness knows y? lol. Oh well...so before I ruin e com n digust e world, I better slp. Nitess world. :) Marshmellows, a bitter liking. -winks- :p

I imagine, I hope, but reality crushed it all :(

Sakae Suishi with cfers

2006-09-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

Fellowship With CFers :)

Wasted the entire afternoon procastinating at home. Went to meet darling felicia at rp before e cf ppl come for our dinner outing at sakae sushi!! My all-time favourite. Haha..but dunno y..appetite not veri gd 2dae..so din eat THAT much...wahaha :P

Wells, I must sae tt it's a very INTERESTING dinner. Haha...all tt laughing :))) Wells..it's always great 2 fellowship wif ur CF ppl. Must do it more often!!! Yeah:) -winks- Wells..but i keep kana suan by SOME ppl....tsktsk. oh well.. :D Oh and all that "discussion" is so sinful. tsktsk "-_-.

Wells...all of us took a nice long walk fm raffles to esplanade; nice street lamps, gentle waves, couples weaving in n out...simply beautiful, I've oways loved tt place. However, onli one thg dampened my spirit, wad is it? I shan't sae. But I am not too pleased bout the distraction :(

Oh well..wad can I say?? Am I being too sensitive? Am I overreacting? Am I hallucinating? Am I or am I not? This is nuts...oh well. wadever it is.. NTH must go on. It must be stopped. If there is any progresssion, yes, I will talk things out. Don't push me to that extent. things will turn ugly. Trust me, cos I've been there, done that.......

Okie...my very sincere apologies to God. I've sinned once again, allowing tt very thg to hit me again, that veri thot that stains, that veri heart that's evil. Lord, I repent. And to you, my frens who have been dragged down by me, I am so so sorry, really. I will try my best to get over this myself, with God. Thanks for gg thru all that trouble :))

As thou I didn't have enough, the night had to end with an exclamation mark. Right at home, a storm was brewing . It's e start of a melodrama again.. the same old story, the same old people, the same old lines, the same old responses; mockingly stirring up a bitter-sweet symphony. I realised, I knew, I denied, I rejected. Why o why did I do that?

Pride masked my stubborness, it activated human's defense mechanism. Bad bad bad, but luckily for God's grace, I was saved:)God placed great ppl to remind me of His way, His truth n His light :) Special thanks to Mark & Abel, their prayers n reminders online, thank God for them, timely! :)

Thankfully, all's well ends well :) After 2 hrs of dramarama.. we reconciled. God really blesses us as sisters :) Wells. i was tveeing thru e nite....cos i kan slp at all. Oh well..What an eventful nite?!?

Every happening, every move, Lord u teach me. I am listening, thank u Lord :) I will promise to try.A matter of priorities, a redundant battle of dignity & pride, I surrender them all to u, o Lord :) Ciao!

I care if u care, I mind if u mind, can I? I don't really care.

LoSt camp 2006- nostolgia

2006-09-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

Camp 2006; lost ME, found YOU :)

BEWARE!-----> Below's a long long entry.

Sharing with u as promised; the place, the people, the moments, the memories n the author of it all, God :) copyrighted @ camp LoSt; 18th-21st Sept.

Hyped up, excited, joyful and driven, my onli burden is my super heavy baggage. Travel light? auntie me just can't. *shrugs* lolx :p Was late as usual..but thankfully it's not just me. haha. I pray tt every camper will experience God like never before! and so i pray--->Let e camp begin!!

Day ONE :)It's a long long journey to Saint Andrew's Diocese. Wells..I am in Group 3 with Serene, Meliza, Lydia, Luke, Ian, Nicodemus, Fuji; honorably known as "Sesquipedalia" By law, if u don't like us, you have committed the crime of "Floccinoccinihilipilifrecatism." Credit goes to Dr. Ian for this chimology :))) --->

P.s: special tks to kor for "saving" me from a major, non-comprehensive disaster. lolx :) Icebreakers!! :) Haha...was in one of my laughing fits to watch e poor guys kana forfeit. our game master somewhat has an unique interest in asses cos the forfeit somewhat revolves ard tt.

TianEn,Nich,Fuji @ life soccer & Mr.Mark doing a live report on a greiving Meg..2wards a cockcroach?!?! a.k.a XiaoQiang :) Wahaha.Lolx.Ohh..and for dunno wad reason.. I was dorm mistress?? haha. all i can rmb was opening n closing doors, nagging at ppl to hurry up.Wells..and our bathroom is happily situated at e other side of e blk. so all gals have to walked down to 2nd floor n up agn on e other side to e 3rd floor.whywhywhy...when e gents r juz next to e guys'dorm.

However, it is highly dangerous if i walk wif my eyes half-closed each morning..e stairs cld have killed me.Wahaha. :) After some gal-talk..i crashed..nites peeps :)

Day 2 :)*yawns* woke up at lyk 6 plus. Gosh la...dunno who blew whistle...for a moment i thot i'm in some commando camp..it happened agn during our noon nap..this time round is Mr Abel..tsktsk.wahaha.. well well..guess wad's all this hassle for.. our pe captain:Mr Tian En's leading 5bx;morning exerxise.

Then...we have our 2nd message n worship..It was great!! All i can rmb is games after games..wahaha...fun!!!1st stop: Some poker game.. see whose card defeat another.The person holding e weaker card hab to do jumpingjacks as forfeit. Then..if e "special" ppl caught us..we have to camouflage wif our surroundings.. ahah...so was lyk running all over e pl..and it juz seems tt i m forever dd forfeit. lolx.

Run..run..run..game master..is track ur passion?? Why all games nid 2 run? lol Well...well...after our afternoon nap..wonder y we even have tt..lyk those kids in my childcare centre..haha..ask nic..*shrugs* wells..tn dinner tn our nite station games :)

1st stop: My hands were freakkkkin cold..when we have to like dish out specific majiong tiles fm tt icyyyy cold water in lyk e designated time...my hands went numbed..completely..gosh...y kan we play e normal majiong instead?? I can play all nite.. As thou e numbing's not enuf..haha..my grp ppl hab 2 lyk link hands in a reli weird n somewhat obscene manner.tn go up n down e stairs singing" Baby, hit me one more time??" Gosh..wahahah..lolx :p

2nd stop: FEAR FACTOR!!! *drums roll* OMGosh... u wun believe wad I ate. for those hu noe mi well.me being me wld prob squeal, scream or sth..but no no...I ate one spooonful of fried MEALWORMS. Yesh..i did!! it's crispy but i still tink e thot of it is disgusting. Haha..next up is raw n smashed luncheon meat wif ketchup n choco sauce..one big plate..My grp gobbled it up with "joy". But then agn..honestly speaking..i thot tt dish was tasty :p

3rd stop: Fuji chaired e "meeting",bombarded us with qns..some blibical ones.. we still got it wrong..opps..got to read e bible more often..tn we had our forfeit. run 3 rds of e court carrying chairs by our side..wahah..look qyte retard. oh well..

4th stop: CSI :) Amazingly..our grp came up wif e most innovative ans..we had dear angeline rofl..haha. we are too "smart" to solve the mystery lahh..lolx :p

5th stop: GUESS? For ur info..we are not aunties hu haggle n bargain at e flea market la..so apparently we have no idea how much all e groceries cost.lolx. so we broke e record too; had 10 forfeits!! Gosh. i did like human-wheelbarrow, chicken dance, sit-ups, ass-writing..singing...kan rmb le..too much...

Tired...haha..supper-ing...pillow talk till 2plus...tn zzzz. End of Day 2 :)

Day 3 :)*Yawns..have to rise agn at 6plus...e morning baths r not working. *shrugs* After e last msg..morning worship n all..messy games is on!!!.I smell bad seriously. :( tks to whoever created tt mixture of water+eggs+ovaltine+ jelly ??!!?? And i ate lyk raw beansprouts, onions n i dunno wad..i dowan to know..

Haha. whee..waterbombing was fun..but tks to Mark..i was extra wet..*abish* Wash up...rehearsed for talentime.haha..luke n fuji looked so funny..it was hilarious manx dey had to act as geeks!!! Wahaha. tn e gals n I had to act as bimbos..ohh please..tt's definately not me..haha :p

Learned about e story of Rachel. God reli used her to rekindle many of our hearts to live for God. Her love for God is simply inspirational, touches many I believe. I wun dare sae tt my love for God is as courageous as her, I will try thou :) I will. Went supper before all-nite worship begins!! :))

Worship on e last nite was great!amazing!fantastic! Reli felt God's presence there, esp when I prayed for Serene. I am reli thankful for the "4seasons" thg. By identifying which season our life lies in now; In a way we face up to reality n try to seek healing or reconcilation with God,at least tt's for me cos i was in winter. Incessant praying, my girl tearing...bros & sisters worshipping..e whole thg is perfectly weaved by God :))) Haha..1st time in my life, worship ended at 1.15am. :))) great!!!

Everyone was playing "polar bear" or sth. serene dd her thg.. me had nth to do. Was nuaing at e stairway...reflecting over worship..tn Mark came..Haha..tE n e graduates went for supper..haha. mark "nicely" didn't go. Hahah we were chatting, crapping, singing at e tables..haha... tks 4 e company dude. haha..n we kope his supper when tE brought it back.wahaha. Poor Mark..haha..tks to serene. Muahah.lolx :p Then, we played a little trick on serene, shan't say it here. But the culprits are me, mark, luke n abel. wahaah :p All this fun had to end at 5am. My batt went ttly flat le. haha. Whhee..off to bed. Nitess :) End of Day 3Day

Day 4: Ahhh...so sad..camp is coming to an End!! Well..well..who knows? Camp had to end with an exclamation mark!!! My grp was super emo..when we went into prayer, the HS was so strong tt we became lyk running taps. We were literally wailing. i cldn't believe it myself, but we just cldn't stop :) But reli thank God:)

Camp was a blast!!! really:)One very important person I must thank. My angel; my nice nice angel :)) He's reli swt...gave me one big bar of choco..tt made many gals envy. He also gave a postcard,mentos, a bookmark n wang2xiaomantou!! Whee...I love my Mr. Angel:) Then, nice angel noticed i din eat breakfast, so got bread for me!!! How thotful can tt get..that wan i'm reli touched.. haha..whee...Then, last dae, angel help me make milo as he reveals his identity. Wahahah:))) This nice, sweet angel of mine, is none other than ...*drums roll*--- Abel Ang....:)))) thank u so mucch.. hee :D

Reflections
1. Our Father's Perfect Love always comes with choices, unlike man's captived and confined love, God's love is unconditional :)
2. Crying n surrendering makes one more vulnerable to men but more accepting to God
3. Mercy is withholding what we deserve, Grace is giving what we don't deserve.
4. Guard your "E-mouth". veri applicable to youths; blogs n msn esp!!

Thanks God for making this camp great!! and all my frens who share this experience with me :) Love u peeps. May God continue to bless u all

cheery, happy ME- results

2006-09-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

Cheery, Happpy ME ((:

9am this morning.... NP results released..woahh... i woke up n e sms's alr waiting for me...I jumped manx..sat rite up n opened e msg. And................... Yeah!!! Thank God, i am happy wif my results:)) yupx...it's by God's grace really :) tks to all my lecturers n frens hu encou me thru e 1st sem. thanks ppl :))

Here's e results as promised------------> 1 B, 3 B+, 2 As, 1 Distiction :)) GPA: 3.6 plus :) Praise e Lord!Yupx...so went wif myra for brunch... reli miss her..haven seen her for lyk nearly a mth..thou she stay next blk onli. Not fated la..haha..cos she's working 24/7 ma..unlike me.. :( We talked alot..got reli cool updates fm her..impressive. lols :p

Hehheh..met my 2 darling daughters: xinyi n yvonne in town :) we watched "little man" a reli hilarious flick..super funny..thou my 2 gals seemed a wee bit over e edge cos dey were laughing damn loud as thou dey own e pl..wahaha :)) Wells.. watching a comedy is by far e best anecdote i believe. :)

Smiles.. lols. sianded so went to this mooncake fair at taka.. we suddenly got veri high with toys..kan blame la..deprived childhood. We were competing to see hu can hook more fishes in this fishing game. wahaha.. it's feels good to be childish sumtimes.. lesser worries; reduced entanglement with reality. Then, went starbucks 2 chill...tn roam ard town wif vonne till 9...haha..luv my gals :)

Despite a veri irritating journey I had on my way dere... I had a great time!! thank God again for blessing my gals..ok ppl..sleepy le..nites world :))

I long to see you..but i long even more for you to see me :)

Spa with God at EastCoast

2006-09-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

My very first SPA with God

Rise n shine...it's only 6.30am!! ahh..kill me.. i am so sleepy.. but e mere thot of gg EastCoastPark ltr perks me up :) haha..i simply love tt place..lotsa memories dere-refreshing! bahhs..uber long journey, i alr finish lyk reading dunno how mani chapts of my QT bk. lols. Surprisingly, me being a great lu chi manage 2 find my way dere. Hahas :)

Suppose 2 be a cf thg..but onli fuji, felicia n I cld make it. Yups..but dere's quality sharing in small grp ma..hahs..ohh..n fuji gave me a green beanie bear fm macs. yeahhs :)) okie..tn was too bloated due to double breakfast. lols.

By e sea, while trying to blend into e setting..I juz kan help getting disturbed by e ants benneath where i was siting..while concentrating as Fuji reads Psalm 139; a deep plea for God to search me..deep n within... Split for personal Spa with God.. No ppl..east coast has no beauty salon or wadsoever..

SPA here meaning a time of reflection- Stop, Pause & Apply. lols.Yupx..e pure sounds of nature; the waves, the waters, the wind n e rustle of e leaves has a soothing effect. I reviewed my current life with God..was singing n worshipping him. Beautiful..:)

Then, God reminded me of e motto he has for me this yr: Following God's will. Alas!.. it hit me tt i wasn't, at least nt totally.God encou me with Psalm 27;Reminding me 2 seek & rmb his goodness..be strong n not lose hope..no matter how hopeless circumstances seems now..

HS also showed me," We are hard pressed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed BUT not in despair; persecuted BUT not abandoned; struck down BUT not destroyed @ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. I sld focus on e but's and not juz e superficial surface. :)God's love is unconditional. The path of humility and self-denial leads to healing and spiritual maturity. Peace should be seeked at e risk of rejection, and e trail of humilation and abasement leads to the road of life. :))

Yupx..had a round of sharing..tn my day's reserved for feli. Haha..one dae aft her bdae ma :)) we went parkway parade..shopped ard..had a gd laugh...tn reaslise e whole dumb pl dun hab e kind of shades she wants..sians..haha..tn took lyk an 1 hr bus journey hm..slept thruout manx..shiok..!! lols :)

I thot this marks e end of e dae..but I was wrong, e day had to end wif an exclamation mark!! oh wells..it happened again! e same old episode playing over n over agn lyk a broken record..just tt it seems more real each time. Torn apart once more..brokedown n cried. It was then I rmb my promise to God tt veri morning..how quick e devil return with his act huh...wells..this is indeed one testing i gotta conqueor. *nodds* Wells, with God's grace..we still reconciled tt nite..so thank God :)

Oh.. and special thanks to Mark- my veri own online spiritual encourager!! tks dude! ok..am pretty drained out by all this drama-rama..i go recharge myself le..nightss ^ ^

Are u that insensitive..or am I just not worth it??

Date with baby serene =)

2006-09-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Day

Rush..rush...rush...why am i forever late...isit Mr. time or isit juz slow, old meee....haha..guess all my frens alr noe e ans huh...lol :p wadever it is...as usual i am late.late.late. Had to run with 2-inch heels.. flying hair..fm clementi stadium to e mrt..to catch serene n bus 106!! imagine me manx...u'll have a good laugh :p

Reason behind my madness is to reach marina sq on time for my job interview at Buffalo jeans-this branded shop. Gosh la.. just one pair of jeans cost lyk $200 plus-$500 plus, A simple tank top cost lyk $98!! haiz...kill me manx.. *peng* wells...a plain normal gal like me in such a high-end shop, juz makes no sense.

Wells...wadever it is.. i din get e job anyway.. so guess it's fated lahh. Hehheh... shopping ard wif my bestie Serene!!.With her..i'd definately nid a financial consultant. haha. we bought a similar top at LittleMatchGirl- 50 % sale!! :) Actually.. we WERE gg to head down to Zouk for e seventeen party. but happily.. serene left e tixs at hm.. i lazy go get ehhs..so manage to pursuade her out of it..and spend e nite 2gether at esplandae. haha..get over it..it's just a goodie bag..we are nt even dressed for e nite..hahas :p

Woahh...e nite out was great manx...The nite scenery at esplanade never fail to sweep me off my feet..simply beautiful. The sounds of the sea, the clash of the waves, the familiar smell, the loving couples on the sidewalks, the tiny boats n lights--the very pieces being magicaly weaved into this beautiful picture.

I long to be here all day long..especially if it's with you, only you. But i guess for now, I cld only stand here alone; adoring this beauty as the wind caresses me, prompting me to be still. Waiting upon the hope tt someday you will turn back, slow down n realise i'm right here waiting..

But for now... my girlfrens can keep mi happy too :)Thou we din drink..but guess we got a little tipsy..went abit mad..Haha..u noe outside e esplande concourse.. dere's lyk mini ponds with nice blue luminous balls as deco rite? I really love it..look so magical. lol :)

Haha..crazy me went wee bit high...we were lyk camwhoring e whole time. We were ttly in our whole world.not at all bothered by e ppl ard us. The stones pavement between 2 ponds became a platform for our mini photo shoot.We were lyk sprawed on e pavement..as thou we own e place. haha..too bad serene's bluetooth spoil..when it's done..i'll post e pictures up..:))

We took off our shoes..and were posing randomly on e pavement. Haha...tn we wanted this laid-back look rite. But alas! we forgot bout e water..yucks...my hair got a little wet..yucksss!!! Then..dere's this particular pose we tried to capture.. but it's hard to manipulate e angle..so i probably look lyk some idiot or freak out dere..wif e weird posture n all *giggles* serene's like: Noooo..to ur left.. Noooo.. to e rite..up a little, down a little..stay dere..blah blah..lolx..it was hilarious.. :p Guess our hormones are a little imbalanced at nite huh....wadever it is...it was a special kind of fun..It's been a long time since I laugh uncontrollably...laughing fits n all...thanks gal.. i so nid a good laugh in times like this :)Haha...

Makansutra:Glutton Bay rawkz!!! haha... but e prawn noodles uncle abit weird weird wan. anyhow tok rubbish...tink he's just bored...trying to get hooked up with young gals like us. wadever... tn we had icekacang..our shared dinner onli cost 3 bucks!! haha...we are on e economic scheme. bahhss.Thereafter...we took a slow long walk across e bridge..along e streets..to our faraway bus-stop.

The time is really graced by God. My bestie n I held hands, n worshipped God wif our voices....hahas..it really feels gd2 walk on e sidewalks singing & worshipping God freely, with joy. Hahas :) Thank you sister :) :) :)

Haha...we slept thru e whole bus ride..lyk 45 mins..totally busted. But this is really one great night-out wif my bestie. Love ya..ok ppl..good nites. (",)

I just realise how much I long for you to see me, i wan my love to be returned.

Reflections..

2006-09-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

Reflections

Happy 20th Birthday TianEn :)) haha...u've aged!! Wells...e boy got his wish. I compromise my shopping spree, to await for his one call. haha...who ask him 2 be e birthday boy- he win lo :p lol. Poor him la.. bdae still go NP do fyp.. tsktsk..

Wells.. met TE at clem macs to pass him his prezzie... as expected..he had to wait for me. Opps! paiseh.. :p We realise tt our concept of time-reading varies.. my "si dian duo" is lyk 4plus..where his is lyk 4.30. too bad la..now we noe...

Haha :o Had a little chat tn we took train 2gether cos i gotta go town mit my 2nd bao-bei-yvonne. As usual... bdae boy has yet to mature.. still luv to suan ppl.... too bad la.. i admit it here ok: wo jiang bu guo ni!! happy now?? haha...lol but true la. But it was great la.. had company..

I simply hate to travel alone now.. Is it the world? or mebbe it's just me. The space in e carriage seems void and immensely small. It's as thou one can get swallowed by e streams of ppl if u hadn't had someone wif u n make ur presence felt. Guess i am just lonely..but then again..maybe I want to feel lyk i'm indispensable. ahh...this is getting random.. nvm.. But thank god it juz so happen i got company. haha.

Okie..met my darling in town.. shopped ard..it's been a long time since only2 of us were 2gether. great isn't it? haha :) had a htht wif her; gal talk... found out lotsa stuff bout her life n her spiritual journey. I onli have one thg to say: I am so proud of u gal.. n naggy old mum here says" I've raised u well". Haha.. but glory be to God :)In a girl's adolescence..e thread tt reli tugs at our hearts is often our social life- our frens, our peers. Often, our emotions evolves ard them, our tinking gets influenced by them, our principalities gets compromised for them, our rationality being taken by them n our feelings lying down for them. But many a times, we get trampled, disappointed, insulted n maligned.

Sumtimes we wonder..do we deserve it.. why isit tt sumtimes our luv reaps nth but sorrow...life is imperfect. What do u expect manx?But here's e good news my frens.. these ppl...these earthly characters; ppl lyk ur family, ur frens. those dearest to ur heart. Have u realised tt their love's conditional?You have to earn it.

However, God's love is UNCONDITIONAL!! how great can tt be? perfect :) so fren, i juz wanna sae as long as u live by God's will n in His light, u are just fine :) so dun worry so much gal.. "mum" here will keep u in prayer. jiayou ok..keep me updated..tks for e sharing.okie...so much for the "htht" (heart-to-heart-talk). baobei gotta go mit her dad..some bdae dinner. so me journeyed to ps myself...n spend some quality time wif myself. Retail therapy as xin wld sae is reli great..thou mine is onli windowshop.. i felt much better.. okiez..after a dae out.. i nid 2 crash le.. gdnite frens. God bless :)

Happy Teacher's Day

2006-08-31T11:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Tcher's Day!!

Happy Teacher's Day :) wow..It does feel good to be standing among e IJ blues agn.. kan express how much I luv stc. I miss my chers--pms yeo, funky miss koh, dolly tan n her hair, seah wif her sarcasm, scarily hilarious Ms lee, my fav "lao wang", young lau, the ignatitus toilet, green lodge (choir...), e hardcourt, e foyer and e sch cats. I hold dearly to these good old times :)

Memories are a personal, sacred entity that one holds. But, it aint's suppose to trap one in e past, but instead motivate one to strive forth to create even more beautiful memories; at least it is so for me.They are like my sweet fluffy pillow tt i turn to in distress,, reminiscing, remembering e love n kindness..forgetting e bitterness n slander..

Most of all, these memoirs remind me of God's provision and His eternal promise of not forsaking me. I really thank God for these ppl he placed in my path. Be it, frens, chers, even back-stabbers or gossipers..dey made a difference in my life, they made my walk different. They are the unique puzzles tt pieced my life together.

So, i just wan to sincerely sae: Thank You :)Yupx.. so was loitering ard wif my gals in stc..this yr mass dance so funny la..got pompoms wan.. ewww...but interesting la..opps. However..i do tink it's a wee bit boring. miss ash n e dance gals performing..fun n full of zest. haha..i was lyk outside e hall.. seeing all e chers stream in.. tn i saw "laowang" I smile n gave a little wave..tn guess wad.. he jumped up n down to see me n smile..haha.. imagine this.. a 60 plus old man; ur chi cher jumping lyk a kid.. so cute la he.. chi rawks cos of him.. my "gan-die" as e gals wld sae. Wahhh...i was like who's e short one here... diaox...haha :p

Finally collected my o's cert.. i noe i damn lazy..but this time no choice la.. ltr dey send to MOE tn i hab to pay.. bo hua la..haha..so bo bian. Yup...2dae got drey, xin, me, de, est, vonne--back to usual hangout; town. had lunch at LJS. Thanks to delia, our meal of 6 is freee. but too much fish..ewww. Then, happily dey cope all e tata sauce on my plate n leave mi a dirty plate wif lyk 5-cents of tata sauce.. (pic above).

okie tn we watched the break-up.. which is e 1st show tt i act' manage 2 fall asleep..opps. sians.. The hilarious thg is e episode before e movie. ok.. let's see. 6 gals led by our camwhore: Miss xinyi.-- we took e lift from 1st-9th floor lyk 6 times, juz bcos we wan 2 capture our reflections fm e lift door.. so we nid e lift 2 b empty los. damn dumb rite.. i noe.. haha.. but we are crazy ppl..so wells..

*nods* haha. in e end.. in our finaly last attempt *click* we got it..but guess wad. (refer to photo above).. onli can see e top of our heads...haha.. wad e...nvm..we had a gd laugh... infectious laughter, tummy aches.. rolling.. ahh..we got pretty queer stares..cos we burst out laughin lyk a bunch of hyenas or simply drunk gals when other guys stepped in. haha. gosh.. i wish i was an ostrich..haha :p. wells.. tt's wad happens when i'm wif e gals..haha.

Haha.. camwhores had it... we decided to move to e neoprint shop. been lyk ages since i last handled e all-jap machine. haha.. but tn agn.. my gals do it all for me. haha. yup...buy was super fun..all the "ahh" n "quick"..e mad rush within a tiny space is unbelievable. lol.

At nite, we had dinner at mos.. but i onli had tt corn soup..diet la..haha.. haha.. tn our cute little guy; est's bf so shy la..haha. kan blame him..we were too bi***y i guess. we purposely lyk: (high-pitch) "Hi ashlee!" (flash a big smile) Tn..he shy away..so cute la..haha..evil us.

Yup..tt's bout all...thank God for these jie-mei(s)!! good nite world :)

Make A Wish

2006-08-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

Make A Wish

*Sings* Hapy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Kathleen. Happy birthday to you!!! Yes...it's my sis's 13th birthday (",) aowww...i tink i reli old le.. my body's lyk super achy after a day's shopping (= din buy much...onli my sis....we journeyed to chinatown, je.c and then IMM. aiyo..tired sia...but she's happy =)I

It's been ages since I see her truly happy. Guess a birthday for a little girl is reli special- a day to be specially adored n loved =) Wells..but to me as long as u're happy, anyday can be a bdae ar.. mebe cos my bdaes are usually spent lyk ani other dae.. it's not a big thg in my family...

Sumtimes i wonder mebe i once had that wish...just that mebe sumtimes wishes contradict reality. So, I learn to only believe in praying not wishing. I must admit the dae had its downs. Ppl staring, gals sniggering, awkward moments when u did that in public.

By God's grace, I kept my cool n things were soon alrite between us=)The best gift you can give someone is TIME. The best element you can add to time is JOY. Thank God for reminding me. If not for you, I would have falter. I would have hide. I might ruin it.

She's 13 now- my girl has grown up- ready to soar, too eager to explore, e reins wun hold; it never did. But deep down, she's still e 3yr old kid hu embraces ,hugs and kisses her loved ones =) Both reflections are YOU, i just got to learn to luv both. God made you beautiful, so believe you are beautiful.

In our intimate moments, there is no pride, no shame, no doubt, no slander; merely the joy of love. These downcast all hurts, n melt all unwillingless. She's the one that made me cry, yet she's the one that moved my heart. She's my sister, my precious, I LOVE U KATHELEEN =)))

Wells...my apologies to those hu find it too mushy..but I believe that sumtimes it can be too late. So, ppl out dere hu's still holding on 2 a grudge, do take a step back, n make peace ya? It's oways better to leave someone or let someone leave u, feeling loved n not battered:)

Hahas...and thank "you" for being concerned online. reli appreciate it. yes. i mean "you" lol :) It's great 2 note tt someone cares. just in case "you" are slow 2dae... "you" are the one i sent e fullhse song to just now:p

okie...it's lyk 2am le..gotta crash. 2mr i got 2 chiong xin's present le.sians..i've got clumsy hands..lol. good "nite" ppl. Have a blessed week ahead. (",)